


Almost

by ineffablesaltflower



Category: The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Aragorn wishes he could stay, He has a crush on middle earths most busy man, M/M, Mentions of Haldirs brothers, Mentions of Legolas and Gimli and Galadriel, No True Happy Ending, Poor Haldir, demisexual Haldir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26896066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffablesaltflower/pseuds/ineffablesaltflower
Summary: It could be so easy. Haldir didn't develop crushes easily. But of course the first time he carried a crush in a thousand of years, it must be for his newly found friend, the heir of Isildur.
Relationships: Aragorn | Estel/Haldir of Lothlórien
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	Almost

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, it's me.  
> I can't believe how the lotr verse makes me wanna write so many things.
> 
> I always accept prompts, send them to my twitter: HaldirsLoth
> 
> This was also a prompt, sent anonymously on Twitter:
> 
> Demi haldir having an absolute breakdown bc the end of the world is not the time to have a crush and the heir of enedil ain't got time for him.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, though it developed a bit into a different direction because I wanted to give this some kind of ending. Please don't be so hard on me, it's my first time writing Aragorn/Haldir.
> 
> xoxo,  
> flower.

> and if the moon walks out, the sky will understand; but now it hurts, to watch you leave so soon. when I don't know, if you will ever come back.

Haldir didn't think of it. It never even occurred to him, that he might or might not grow too attached to the heir of Isildur. He didn't even worry about it.

Because his first feelings towards them were simply of being annoyance. He didn't want them to set a foot into their woods, especially not the dwarf. And not the evil they brought along with them.

This was no place for evil or dwarves. Perhaps not even men. It should've been like every other day and not him having to find them on the borders to Lothlórien.

And it shouldn't have been him to guard them on the way to see the Lady Galadriel.

It should've been another quiet day and yet they had felt it before, knowing that something was about to happen. Haldir could feel it in the whisper of the trees, of the grass, could feel it in the way flowers grew.

Something big was about to happen, it was almost visible in the breeze of air, rustling through leaves to tell them about things that were about to happen.

But no, he was not supposed to have them on their borders on his patrol, he was not supposed to have Aragorn to talk him into letting them in, allowing them shelter.

Perhaps the Lady Galadriel knew all along that this would happen, that the fellowship would walk through their woods. That they would allow a dwarf to look at the beauty that was Lothlórien.

It was always hard to tell what she knew and which she did not. In the end it did not make a change, since Haldir allowed them to come, allowed them to eat and drink alongside the elves. Allowed them to sleep and rest in the trees and below.

He didn't notice. He really didn't. Haldir hadn't had a crush for ages, neither on elves and certainly not on men. He rarely carried such specific affection for someone, let alone would describe it as love.

His love was for the trees and the flowers, his love was for his brothers and for the ones he served and guarded. This was how he lived for a thousand of years. Surely, once or twice he might have even found another elf attractive with time, but it never went beyond friendship so far, for they carried their purpose in their heart.

But Aragorn, well, Aragorn was different. The heir of Isildur had invited him to stay for dinner with them on the first evening and Haldir accepted. If only to claim that someone needed to look out for the dwarf, whose presence still didn't sit right with him.

He had been a silent watcher between them, until Aragorn spoke up to him, everybody else being busy. He asked him about Lothlórien, about the Lady Galadriel. He asked him all kinds of things and at some point Haldir softened and told him about it, about the wonders these woods carried, about its elves living there.

From this point they often met throughout the days and perhaps even nights, when Aragorn could not sleep from worry about his friends and the destiny of the crown.

Haldir would allow him to come along, would lead him through the woods and show him secret places, places no other man had laid his eyes upon before.

One day, Haldir still remembered it as if it was yesterday, mainly because it was all too amusing, he had met Aragorn in the middle of the night.

The Ranger was sitting by a stream of water, seemingly lost in thoughts when the elf settled down next to him on a low branch of the tree.

"Can you not sleep again?", he asked quietly, voice barely audible. Surely he hadn't thought of the smooth approach the woodelves had, since Aragorn startled incredibly.

Haldir had to reach out and stop him from tumbling into the small stream. Aragorn stared at him like the elf had appeared out of thin air, which was perhaps not even wrong. At least for the man.

"I am sorry.", Haldir replied as he let go of him. "If I scared you." His voice was low and yet he was not able to hide the amusement in it.

"Are you sure about that?", he asked, now that he had recovered from the shock, a small grin spread over his face.

"Very much.", Haldir agreed and leaned at the tree. "Yet I cannot say that it was not quite amusing."

They both just stared at each other for a brief second, not being able to tell who started laughing first.

At some point silence settled between them again and Haldir accompanied Aragorn for a while.

Just a little while, a bit of talking about nothing particular, not about the obvious threat hanging in the air, not about the feeling of evil which seemed to creep through the darkest parts of woods now that they had entered.

No, Haldir did not exactly know when it became a habit of him coming around whenever he was off patrol, of Aragorn inviting him to stay for dinner or lunch, whatever it was.

The month they spent in Lothlórien seemed to be over before it had started, and soon they told them goodbye.

It was a goodbye full of hope and yet a tone of despair was in their voices, someone would not know how things will turn out, if they would ever meet each other again.

Meeting they did, though. When the elves chose to fight once more, perhaps their last battle before the majority of them would leave for the ships. The ones who survived, that was.

The hug Aragorn greeted him was completely unfamiliar and surprising, for elves did not show their affection like that, except of close lovers. Which they were not. There was no time to speak about anything but the battle. There was no time to realize that they had missed each other.

Only then Haldir realized — realized how much he had missed the laugh and the warmth of the other man. The eyes which were always so kind. Hands rough from wielding swords and fighting, and yet they were so gentle.

No time. They had no time and Haldir once again realized how cruel time was. This was no place to develop crushes or to even think beyond of anything. Aragorn had to prepare the men and others, Haldir knew it could be their last night anyway.

Once again he was relieved for his well trained body composure, because he felt tears threatening to spill while tending to his bow a bit more fiercely.

At least the night was generous and allowed him to hide, rain falling like it was trying to wash his feelings away, and he allowed it, allowed it to cleanse him from the sorrow, from knowing that tomorrow everything could be over.

And even if they survived, there was no future. Not for them. Not like they would want there to be.

Haldir soon stood there unmoving, his face hardening in the moment of the upcoming battle.

No, this was no place to cry. There were elves who depended on him to lead them through the fight. Young elves who followed him, who believed into this allegiance.

They lost so many in this night, men and elves. Children. A few young elves who fought their first battle. Elves Haldir cared about, ones he had promised to lead in a fight, which resulted into leading them to their death.

His own injury seemed to be almost unimportant. He survived, he would leave these fields again.

His second thought right after the elves was for Aragorn, his eyes searching for the man to make sure he had survived.

His breath sat heavy in his chest, soon letting out a relieving sigh when his eyes finally found Aragorn.

Alright. They were alive. At least they were both alive. And the others. He could see Legolas. Even Gimli. He might be a bit relieved that the dwarf was still there as well.

No time. They had no time. There was a bigger war to prepare, so many things to do, so many wounded people to take care of.

Aragorn had to leave and Haldir needed to return to Lothlórien as soon as the wounded elves were able to travel again.

They spoke a few words, nothing of importance. Before Haldir could think, after a last hug they were seperated and gone in different directions.

No time. They never had enough time. Haldir wondered if they would ever have such time for themselves as they had in Lothlórien. And he was sure that no, they would not.

A crown was awaiting the heir of Isildur and there were the woods, waiting for him to return. There was a kingdom to lead and a forest to guard.

There was no chance for them. Haldir tried to come to terms with the thought. He could not.

He knew the Lady Galadriel could feel his sorrow after their return, but he claimed it being only for the fallen. And she did not ask. 

Not even with his brothers did he share his secret, though they definitely suspected something.

What a horrible thing time was. It somehow went on and every day came and went, and soon before he even knew, Aragorns coronation day had arrived.

Something that should be joyous. To have the men reunited again, for the kingdoms to have a kind King.

But Haldir instantly knew it was goodbye as well when he arrived. They spoke a few words, but every few moments someone interrupted. Meetings had to be arranged, new alliances had to be formed and talked about, rebuilding everything had barely began. It was a long way, but surely Aragorn would manage.

Only in the late night, when the Hobbits tried to teach their songs to a bunch of young dwarves and when even Legolas started to sway a little in his step, (by the love of everything that was good, what did those dwarves give to him?), Aragorn had stepped outside to breathe in a bit of fresh air, to enjoy the silence of the night and to calm down.

Haldir joined him soon after, before any little dwarves or elves could try to braid his hair again, his hands coming together behind his back.

"A silent night.", he said after a while. "Should be a good sign."

He smiled a bit and Aragorn returned it. The low sounds of music and laughter could be heard through the closed balcony door. As if to show them that the world would not stop, not even for them, not even if they wished so.

They stood there, silent, not one word was spoken. There was no words to be said that could explain, could reassure, could soothe.

"Haldir..", Aragorn started and trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Haldir wished he could say where he took the wrong road and developed this rather stupid crush on the man. A mortal. Which wasn't the worst, some elves had chosen mortals, but the King? How would that have ever worked out?

He let out a sigh, resting his hands on the rough stone of the balcony. 

They both knew. Haldir knew in the way Aragorn reached for his hand, the way he allowed him to hold it for a moment.

Letting go of each other only when the doors opened again, voices and sounds all to audibly again, as if their moment was over and now the world had decided to keep going on.

"I'm coming.", Aragorn immediately said before they could speak and luckily the other man Haldir didn't know left them alone.

"The work will probably never end.", Aragorn said with sad amusement in his voice.

"Possibly not.", Haldir replied and bowed his head lightly.

"You could stay.", the King offered quietly after a moment of silence, bold enough to ask, for only the night could hear them. Knowing already that it would not work, an empty offer, a desperate one.

"I wish I could stay.", Haldir replied quietly and smiled briefly. No, he could not stay. This was not his place. His world. His world were the woods of Lothlórien, with his brothers for a little longer.

He already missed it, missed the whisper of the trees and the beauty of it. Nothing could match that, nothing would fill his heart of the longing, until it would be replaced with the different longing to sail.

Haldir belonged to Lothlórien like it belonged to the elves. It was his place to guard and keep safe, like it was Aragorns place to rebuild the Kingdom.

"It is not here where I belong. But I will visit.", Haldir promised and smiled again. "And so should you. Should you ever find time to travel. You'll always be welcomed."

Haldir wanted to simply leave, all in the way of elves, before Aragorn once more held him back to pull him into a hard embrace.

Their lips found each other easily after that. An almost rushed kiss, desperate, so full of emotions, as if they could put everything into this one single kiss. Worried that someone could find them, as if they wanted to keep it a secret, only to carry for them in their hearts.

Surely it wouldn't be a goodbye forever, they would meet again, perhaps, a few times. Aragorn was still a mortal being, doomed to leave long before Haldir ever would. It would be like the blink of an eye for the elf, such a short time in such a long life.

Time was a cruel being.

It was a comforting thought, to know they would possibly meet again, and yet, many months later, Haldir had almost forgotten how the comfort of it had felt.

When the Lady Galadriel was surprised about him coming back and with no request to leave, she didn't show. If there was anything to surprise her with.

Haldir was sitting on a branch of a tree, staring into the nightsky full of stars. And only then, in the safety of his trees, did he allow a few tears to escape. Allowed himself to cry a little while. Tears of what was and what could have been. And what would never be.

It shook him to the core, the way all the bottled feelings finally searched a way to get out.

Long after the first signs of the morning had arrived, he finally brushed away the treacherous tears. Those tears belonged to the night, not the day. In the night he could grief for a love that was never meant to be, but the days needed his attention.

Haldir rarely developed crushes, but Aragorn was not just anyone. They were friends, not just back then, they still were. Friends in battle and war, but even in peace.

They never really had a chance but Haldir liked to believe that perhaps one day, in another world, in a different age, they would be allowed to have a second chance.

Or perhaps one day it would be only a distant memory and it would not hurt as much anymore, ready to move on.

Until then, Haldir thought, he had the woods. If nothing else was permanent, the beauty of Lothlórien at least would never cease.

The sun would be the same Aragorn every morning looked at, it would be the same heaven they saw. The stars would be the same they marveled at, and the moon would always carry the secret of their kiss.

A comfort at least, to know I see what he sees, Haldir thought, and disappeared into the trees.

> The saddest word in the whole wide world, is the word _almost_. [...] _They almost made it._
> 
> _— Nikita Gill._

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, I'd be more than happy to read a comment of you or if you leave a kudo. I'm genuinely happy about every little reaction I get and I wanna say thank you in advance if you do. You make my whole day better.


End file.
